CIRCLE OF RELATIONSHIPS OVERVIEW CIRCLE 1 CIRCLE 2 CIRCLE 3 CIRCLE 4 CIRCLE 5 CIRCLE 6 CIRCLE 7
S.P.I.E.S. OVERVIEW SOCIAL HEALTH PHYSICAL HEALTH INTELLECTUAL HEALTH EMOTIONAL HEALTH SPIRITUAL HEALTH
ENNEAGRAM OVERVIEW TYPE 1 TYPE 2 TYPE 3 TYPE 4 TYPE 5 TYPE 6 TYPE 7 TYPE 8 TYPE 9
IDENTITY PARADIGM SOCIAL IDENTITY PHYSICAL IDENTITY INTELLECTUAL IDENTITY EMOTIONAL IDENTITY SPIRITUAL IDENTITY
Rethinking Autonomy KARPMAN'S DRAMA TRIANGLE Confrontation with Results How to Confront with Results (Part 1) How to Confront with Results (Part 2) Questions On Confrontation More Thoughts on Confrontation (Part 1) Even More Thoughts on Confrontation (Part 2) Resilient Relationships GOALS & GRATS Calmmunication Calmmunication - Two Frequencies Calmmunication - Three Words That Create Barricades Calmmuncation - Four Approaches Calmmunication - Five Questions To Answer Calmmunication - Six Types of Listening Think Again (Collective Thinking) Think Again (Interpersonal Rethinking) Think Again (Individual Thinking) Otherish Giver Give & Take Formatting Forgiveness Part 1 Formatting Forgiveness Part 2 Feelings & Fences 8 Foundations Flooding Lake Present Invitation to Source Course 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Give It A Rest Rhythms of Rest Rest & Laziness Redefining Success A Boat Load of Success Success In Circles 1-3 Success In Circles 4-7 Awkward (Part 1) Awkward (Part 2) Love It or List It Time Budget 3 Words of Transformation (Should) 3 Words of Transformation (Good) 3 Words of Transformation (Could) Getting Even Estimating Value 7 P's OF PURPOSE 7 P's OF PURPOSE (PAST) 7 P's OF PURPOSE (PRESENT) 7 P's OF PURPOSE (PASSION) 7 P's OF PURPOSE (PEOPLE) 7 P's OF PURPOSE (PROFIT) 7 P's OF PURPOSE (PROGENY) 7 P's OF PURPOSE (PROFICIENCY) 7 P's of Purpose (Recap & Reflection) 3 P's OF INTEGRITY ONE PURPOSE OF EMOTIONS - CONNECTION TWO BASIC EMOTIONS THREE APPROACHES TO EMOTIONS FOUR RESPONSES TO EMOTIONS THE FIVE INDIGENOUS EMOTIONS THE SIX UNIVERSAL EMOTIONS POTENTIAL CONNECTIONS OF EMOTIONS A NUMBER OF THINGS ABOUT EMOTIONS ERROR & ERA FRIENDS PART 1 ERROR & ERA FRIENDS PART 2 ERROR & ERA FRIENDS PART 3 EXPECTATIONS FOR VACATIONS PART 1 EXPECTATIONS FOR VACATIONS PART 2 ARE THE GRATEFUL DEAD PART 1 ARE THE GRATEFUL DEAD PART 2 HOLIDAYS WITH THE IN-LAWS AND OUT-LAWS TRAIL THROUGH TRIALS OCCUPY DAYS FLY DAYS WHY DAYS QUESTIONS FOR TRANSITIONS THE HEALTHY RELATIONAL WINDOW DEPLETION OR COMPLETION PASSION THROUGH PLANNED NEGLIGENCE HIDE & SEEK COMMUNICATION PART 1 HIDE & SEEK COMMUNICATION PART 2 BOUNDARIES & WALLS ETR ENERGY TIME RESOURCES REST QUEST FORM & SPIRIT PART 1 FORM & SPIRIT PAR 2 FORM & SPIRIT PART 3 JOURNALING ON PURPOSE CHANGE IS A CONSTANT

STEP 1: LISTEN TO THE PODCAST

Rethinking Autonomy

In this resource we rethink autonomy and the potential dangers that the desire for autonomy can bring. We all want to have our personal freedom but it might be wise to rethink our approach.

 
 
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STEP 2: TAKE THE ASSESSMENT

 
 

STEP 3: RE(SOURCE) YOUR HEALTH

Notes

The Desire for Autonomy

We all want to have our personal freedom.  This comes from past restrictions: restrictions we have felt in family when rules were imposed, restrictions in jobs when we believed there was no future, restrictions from our religion or restrictions in relationships when we thought we were not getting a good return on our emotional investment. We don’t want to be controlled, constrained or used by anyone or anything, so we strive for autonomy. We want to have independence and the ability to be in charge of our own future.

The Disappointment of Lack of Autonomy

We all have the desire to be independent and self-governing. When this doesn’t happen or doesn’t happen in the timetable expected, a low-grade anger begins to settle. When thoughts of having more money, more time and more influence do not materialize, resentment happens. There is a tendency to take this bitterness out on those closest to us: wives, other relatives, friends or work associates. Others are blamed because happiness is not present. They represent a barrier on the road to liberty. The preferred picture seems to be more and more out of focus. 

The Dangers of Autonomy

  1. Freedom is a step away from bondage. There is only one step to the other side of jail bars. Every man in a jail cell right now is only one step from freedom.  His one step came when he used his freedom to do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. Conversely, every man who has freedom is only one step from jail.  Men who get to do whatever they want whenever they want are still only one choice away from bondage. There is a fine line between being as free as I can be and losing all my freedom.

  2. Power, Wealth and status are intoxicating.  Intoxicated people don’t make good decisions. Affluence or influence intoxicates the people around them because they desire it. This leads to entitlement and a sense of not having to be like the “little people” or common folk.

  3. Relationships become a means to an end. We have a thousand fans, yet no friends. It seems like everyone wants something because everyone does want something. Every contact ends up in a request being made. It pushes to a smaller and smaller group of trusted people until we feel like no one can be trusted.  

  4. Independence leads to isolation. If you are only surrounded by people who are related to you or who receive a paycheck from you, then you are in isolation. The gravitational pull to success is toward seclusion.  When we are surrounded with people who need us, it is almost impossible for them to be honest with us.  Everyone nods and we pay for it because no one will tell us the truth. There is confusion between talent and maturity, or success and maturity, or wealth and maturity. Isolation is the enemy of autonomy.

Autonomy is a myth. Being the king is risky. Having total freedom is dangerous, if not disastrous. Autonomy is a trap and an unworthy goal. Relationships are the balance of autonomy. Exercising the freedom to be intimate and connected in the boundaries of healthy relationship is the stuff of living life to the full. True freedom comes from getting close to people who will share and enjoy times that are glad and times that are sad. This is one of the reasons Authentic Men’s Groups are successful.

Getting balanced in our thought life is a big undertaking, but it’s worthy of the endeavor. Understanding how the other gender thinks can be a great benefit in moving us closer to them. Telling ourselves the truth instead of believing rational lies will inevitably give us great freedom. Shutting down destructive defense mechanisms and replacing them with new thought and behavior patterns will help us live effectively. Living with healthy boundaries in relationships without thinking we have to be free of those restrictions will grant us the opportunity to get what we really want, so we can make it, make love and make a difference. 

  1. Have respect for Limitations

  2. Know there is tension between leisure and labor.

  3. Limitations are baked into our existence. 

  4. Embrace the limitations

Questions to Contemplate:

  1. What do I think would give me freedom?

  2. How much do I have resentment for my restrictions?

  3. What are the relationships or organizations that put me in restriction in the past? How do I feel about them today?

  4. When I think of the dangers of autonomy, which have I experienced?

  5. What are the limits that I resent right now? How could I embrace them?

  6. How much do I embrace and appreciate my limitations?

  7. When I think of the pain that I experience how much can I allow it rather than try to fight it?

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