A lot of meticulous preparation goes into the approach of landing a plane. The same holds true in the approach to conversation. In this resource we will be discussing these four approaches; passive inhibited, passive aggressive, forceful aggressive and affirmative aggressive.
Definition of the word approach means to come nearer to someone or something in distance or time. That is what communication is meant to do, bring us nearer.
The following are the four different approaches to communication. It may be good to identify the approach most often used.
Passive Inhibited:
Are inhibited, indirect communicators, fearful of offending, and prefer that others make the decisions. They are considered as ‘pushovers’ by others, and they seldom get their communication needs met. They often hold feelings in and these feelings lead to resentment. They are the shrinking violets of the relationship. They take a lose-win attitude to communication (Their internal dialogue is, “I lose and you win.”) Passive Inhibited individuals make others feel like there is disinterest and apathy in the relationship. Partners feel bewildered, ghosted, over responsible and isolated.
Passive Aggressive:
Are evasive and indirect. They prefer to avoid problems rather than confronting them. They can sulk, procrastinate, withdraw and be sarcastic by giving backhanded compliments. They will agree with you to your face, and later speak negatively about you with others. (Their internal dialogue is, “I let you think you win, but you will lose”) Passive-aggressive individuals make others feel confused, frustrated, and not sure what to expect from communication. Partners feel deceived, cheated and manipulated.
Forceful Aggressive:
Are brutally honest, direct, and forceful. The major purpose for them is to be right. They will bulldoze and steamroll the conversation. They expect their opinion to be known first and often last. These individuals may even gaslight (take something that was said and make it the other person’s problem) Their internal dialogue is, “I win, you lose”. This causes them to put down others so they can make their point or win the discussion. They prefer to make decisions and do not want to be corrected, sometimes even if they are wrong. Forceful Aggressive individuals make others feel inferior, intimidated and unsure. Partners feel unsafe, unappreciated and even bullied.
Affirmative Aggressive:
Are direct, authentic and honest communicators. They speak the truth even when it might be tough to do so. They address issues with empathy, compassion and love. They trust the process of speaking directly. They press in on issues that need to be addressed in appropriate places at appropriate times. They take a win-win attitude toward communications. Their internal dialogue is, “I win and you win”. They treat others with respect yet have confidence in their own ability to communicate and come to agreement. They are willing to compromise and negotiate. Affirmative Aggressive individuals make others feel equal, affirmed and secure. Partners feel significant, unified and understood.
