The word resilient means able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions. When it comes to relationships the meaning of the word applies in that these relationships are strong, quick to bounce back, buoyant, adaptable and difficult to keep down.
Here are some Characteristics we have observed concerning relationships that are resilient:
A desire to have a good understanding of mature love.
A good understanding is all that is needed. We don’t have to be ‘the love experts’ or the Dr. Love.
A little proficiency in knowing and displaying love will take us to our next challenge and will get us through it
Understanding means we have to do some research. If we don’t know about something that is when we research. Go to work at having a good working knowledge of love.
It may be more beneficial to change the definition and application of love rather than trying to change the object of that love. For those going through a second or third divorce it may mean redefining love rather than recommitting to love.
Ancient Greek Definitions of Love:
• Eros – Romantic, Passionate Love (Of the Body) …
• Philia – Affectionate, Friendly Love. ...
• Storge – Unconditional, Familial Love. ...
• Agape – Selfless, Universal Love. ...
• Ludus – Playful, Flirtatious Love. ...
• Pragma – Committed, Long-Lasting Love. ...
• Philautia – Self Love.
There is a passage in ancient Script that is read or alluded to at almost every Christian wedding we have been to; I Corinthians 13. If it is important to be read at weddings it might be important to be studied while in the marriage. It may be good to study the meaning of love as being patient, kind, non boastful, not arrogant, not insistent on its own way, not resentful, not rejoicing in wrongdoing, rejoicing in truth, bearing all things, believing all things and enduring all things.
Strong, vibrant enduring relationships seem to want to have a good understanding of mature love.
2. Self satisfaction. Each person in the relationship has a healthy sense of self.
Healthy people make healthy decisions about healthy relationships.
When it comes to relationships. it is wise to remember that in whatever relationship we are in we are only in charge of 50% of it. The best focus we can have is for each of us to give 100% focus on 50% of the equation. That is the person I look at when I look into the mirror.
Whenever there is one unhealthy person in a relationship there are always two. Healthy people do not stay in unhealthy relationships just as unhealthy people find a healthy person awkward to be in relationship with..
The SPIES paradigm, which is a fundamental model of our coaching/counseling is essential here. If someone is spying on my life they are going to see health in the social, physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual health.
If we are attuned to our own holistic health we have the ability to do two things:
1. Contribute that to every relationship we are in.
2. Discern when an element of health is not present in a relationship.
Resilient relationships are most often the result of two healthy, satisfied people making healthy decisions about a satisfying relationship.
3. An ability to communicate well.
Seeking to understand before being understood is so important. Communication is to relationship what oxygen is to the body.
It seems that the ability to communicate does not equal the means to communicate. Although we can communicate with people all over the globe it seems hard for us to sit down at a meal and talk about what is happening in our world without distraction.
Communication is actually the primary endeavor of any loving relationship. To truly love is to communicate that love.
Long lasting relationships have become aware that communication is work but it is worth the effort.
Durable relationships exchange information freely and openly. They communicate with authenticity, vulnerability, transparency and congruence.
Well, there are a few of the characteristics of resilient relationships that we have observed.
A desire to have a good understanding of mature love.
A healthy sense of self.
An ability to communicate well.
