Confrontation seems to be such a huge part of the atmosphere and attitude of our culture. We seem to be living in a polarized culture where we feel the pressure to be on one side or the other. In this resource we give another approach to get results in our confrontations.
Though confrontation and conflict is all around us we don’t seem to do confrontation so well.
Definition of confrontation - an argumentative oppositional meeting that can lead to hostility between disagreeing parties.
Opening illustration of engagement
We would like you to think of a confrontation that you have experienced in your life recently or are going through right now. As you think of that situation we are going to mention some synonyms for confrontation and ask you to do two things:
1. Notice the physical response to that situation or the persons involved in that conflict
2. Categorize that conflict by one of the adjectives
Synonyms: (with increasing intensity)
1. Disagreement 2. Tension 3. Strife 4. Hostility 5. Hatred
Balancing the Extremes of Confrontation
1. Too Much Confrontation Brings Division
Confrontation causes division and divided kingdom cannot stand in the words of Abraham Lincoln quoting the teaching of Jesus.
The more we attack the less we attract.
If we go around like knights in armor always ready for an attack, it is pretty hard to experience connection let alone have intimacy.
2. No Confrontation Brings Death
If there is no confrontation in a relationship it probably means one partner is dead, emotionally.
Over the years I have had couples tell me they don’t fight. I say to them, “One of you is not needed then.” Upon further investigation I also often find out that it is not only confrontation that is missing, so is intimacy in a satisfying sex life. They have learned to become good, cloistered roommates.
Quote: Conflict avoidance is *not* the hallmark of a good relationship. On the contrary, it is a symptom of serious problems and of poor communication.” – Harriet B. Braiker
3. Balanced Confrontation Brings Dependability
i. Confrontation sharpens relationships
Illustration: Confrontation actually sharpens relationships. Much like a knife after much use becomes more useful when rubbed over a whetstone. Conflict can do that for relationships when you do it the right way. It can sharpen the relationship.
ii. Confrontation inspires creativity in relationships
“Conflict is good in a negotiation process… it's the clash of two ideas, which then, all being well, produces a third idea.” – Luke Roberts
iii. Confrontation keeps relationships interesting
There's no story if there isn't some conflict. It would be a pretty boring movie, book or play if all that was being portrayed was two sides getting along perfectly. That would make for a pretty boring relationship also.
Illustration: Resistance is how everything is made. Everything in this room is made through tension and then conformity.
Disagreements worked through with resolve are what healthy communication in healthy relationships is made of. It is how healthy relationships remain healthy. In actuality confrontation is an essential part of vital relationships.
