The purpose of this series of podcasts is to display that if certain components of communication are acknowledged and applied then relationships can be a place of tranquil, gratifying communicative co-existence.
The purpose of this series of podcasts is to display that if certain components of communication are acknowledged and applied then relationships can be a place of tranquil, gratifying communicative co-existence.
What?
What are the issues that need to be discussed and what issues need to be let go? What issues need to be given priority. Many times essential issues are put on hold because urgent issues need to be dealt with.
When?
For issues that really matter it is best to choose a time that is going to be most free of distraction. This time should be when each partner is the most stress free. Keep away from times of discussion when there is less potential for progress. A good way to think about this is using the acronym HALT. Don’t try to communicate when one or both parties are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired.
Another important component of this question is to know when we are making progress and when we are in a ‘quagmire’. A quagmire is when we are talking but the more we talk the more confusing it gets. If we are not getting anywhere then move away from the topic with the understanding that it is unresolved. Make the commitment to address it again. If it continues to bog down be open to the possibility that we may need an objective mediator to make forward progress.
Where?
Communication should take place in a location that is distraction free. Trying to address important issues without the ability to focus is going to be unproductive.
Sometimes when an issue is emotionally charged it may be best to deal with it in a place that will allow the emotions to remain in check. A public setting (i.e. restaurant or coffee shop) can often serve as good place to talk because such a social setting will give a built in boundary to treat wer partner with a common social respect. There are some issues that the best place to work on them is in a counselor’s office.
Who?
It is important to understand who should be talking and who should be listening. As discussed earlier in Hide and Seek Communication, the essential role is to seek to understand before being understood. There are roles in communication; the primary communicator (the most important role) is the person who is listening intently seeking to understand. This person is paying attention to not only what is being said (verbal) but also how it is being said (non-verbal).
The secondary communicator is the person who addressing issues that are important. The most important thing the secondary communicator can do is keep the dialogue on point without giving information overload.
If communication cannot be maintained at this level then it may be important to solicit the help of a neutral third party such as a pastor or marriage counselor.
How?
This question is most important: How can we move forward and have a better relationship? This should be the query that is the background for all conversation. How questions replace why questions which tend to bring reactive responses. How questions give a proactive movement to conversation. There should be intent to make the relationship better because of communication rather than proving a point.
