Navigating the turbulent waters of conflict is essential for healthy relationships. The identification of maladaptive roles in Karpman Drama Triangle and applying the adaptive approaches of The Green Triangle will give directional guidance through tough confrontation.
This model was introduced in 1968 by Stephen Karpman.
Conflict will be a part of any relationship but especially in marriage.
The Five Big Issues of Marriage:
Communication and Conflict Resolution
Finances and Budget
Sex and Intimacy
Children and Parenting
Family and Friends
In Hide and Seek Communication (See two part series on sourcehealth.org) the focus is staying out of quagmire but to think that there is not going to be quagmire issues is utopian thinking. Getting into issues that are hard to manage or solve is a part of healthy relationships.
Conflict is actually essential for meaningful relationships. It is iron sharpening iron.
Tension is needed in order to create and recreate great relationships.
If we don’t have conflict in a relationship one of us may not be needed.
The Three Roles
Persecutor: This is the person who begins the conflict. There is an assigning blame to someone. This person is saying, “There is an issue, or I have an issue with you.”
Victim: This is the person asking for pity. There is a feeling of shame, helplessness and powerlessness. This person is saying, “Poor me, I can’t do anything right.”
Rescuer: This is the person that moves to a solution but without resolution. They either exacerbate the problem through aggression or avoid the problem through passivity. The person is saying, “I will fix the problem.”
How to Get Out of The Karpman Drama Cycle?
Use the Green Triangle (Courtney Leak)
Three approaches for adaptive conflict resolution:
1. Take ownership (100% of me and 50% of relationship)
2. Have choices (We always have choices; this is the human experience)
3. Set Boundaries (Allowing for our own limitations and not having to be everything to everyone)
